The Power of Active Listening
Many may not be listening to what you are really saying. Have you hit a roadblock in a relationship or a team? Active Listening may be a solution. Active Listening involves mastering skills of awareness. For example, our response, our tones, the questions we ask, our empathy and being fully present. How do you feel when someone is fully present with you when you're speaking?
Listen Fully Present
Active listening is not only what the person is saying, but also what they are not saying. Consider practice being fully present without listening to speak, but listening to understand. In other words, listening is not robotic in nature. We are also listening when we are speaking and asking questions.
I heard it once said, think of a metaphor, not one of a sponge where you’re only absorbing, but one of a trampoline where you’re receiving, and also, giving back in a healthy way.
“Listening is about being present, not just about being quiet.” ~ Krista Tippett
A snapshot from Harvard Business Review highlighting four ways we can listen. Know, there are more, but for the sake of this email, here are a few:
A task-oriented listener is focused on efficiency, and shapes a conversation around the transfer of important information.
An analytical listener aims to analyze a problem from a neutral starting point.
A relational listener seeks to build connection and understand and respond to the emotions underlying a message.
A critical listener typically judges both the content of the conversation and the speaker themselves.
The key is being aware of the default habit pattern etched in our normal response when listening.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ~ Stephen R. Covey
Twenty years ago, I was completing modules for my initial coach training. Our assignment was to coach a surrogate student for one hour. The module was to practice Active Listening.
“Most of the successful people I’ve known do more listening than talking.” ~ Bernard Baruch
It was to be one hour long asking ONLY various types of powerful questions. At first, this was very awkward listening then only asking questions. I distinctly remember that moment shifting from my head to my heart.
Discoveries from my first Coachee:
Being in the moment
The Power in the Pause
Trusting them without an agenda
Being present with their experience
Active Listening requires energy
What value would you place on a greater connection with your clients, colleagues and family?
“It is easy to ask the question and not really listen to the answer. Listening is crucial.” ~ Brenda Nathan
In the Coaching Context, What Active Listening is Not:
About you
Interrogation
Agenda driven
Lecturing the person
Making endless statements
Desire to be heard?
Practice the Art and Skill of Active Listening.
Active Listening:
Fosters Empathy
Grows Connection
Expands Capacity
Opens Powerful Discovery
Uncovers the Root of the Situation
Being Fully Present Builds Trust
Creates a Space for Transformation
9 Tips for Effective, Active Listening:
Discovery to Action
Questions from Honor
Ask Curiosity Questions
Avoid Making Statements
Call to Actions with Clarity
Create Judgement Free Space
A Time to Pause - Minimize Distractions
Listen to Understand not to Agree/Disagree
Awareness of Your Non-verbal Body Language
“You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” ~ M. Scott Peck
The Art and Skill
Active listening is a transformative art and skill that can be learned. Empowering actions can take place through active listening. Active listening will fuel innovation. Active listening creates a judgment free space for whoever is speaking to be heard. People can feel felt with active listening.
How do you feel when someone is actively listening to you?
Consider practicing active listening over this next week. I would encourage you not to necessarily think about it, but practice shifting from the head to the heart when listening to someone speaking.
Unlock Treasures
Imagine everyday there was a treasure to be found? You're holding the keys in your business and life with curiosity questions. What if each person you met, you asked a question and they had a hidden gem for you? What if that’s the key to unlock and activate your vision, purpose and mission? It would be an honor to unlock new treasures for you exploring coaching, leadership or training possibilities.
On a Personal Note:
This is the first Mother’s Day weekend, I will not have my mom in person to honor and celebrate! Before she passed away, I asked her, what was something in her life that was significant and rewarding? Without hesitating, she expressed, raising my sister and I. I am so grateful for my mom‘s love, prayers and encouragement throughout my life.
To all of You Mothers: Please know you are absolutely making a difference! You matter, and what you do is shaping history! May you have the most extraordinary Mother's Day!
In Gratitude,
Ed Garner